I'm Jeff 1000,

I used to be an automotive assembly device,

living in Central Northeast Ohio.

Now I'm in LA,

hanging with my best friend Summer Glau.

Hehe, I feel like I should lose some weight

and color my hair but I don't have any.

Well I've never surfed before so

of course I was nervous

but as soon as I got out there the fear just

melted away--

Ah--

[Summer] And this calm washed over me.

Ah, that's beautiful.

It was...

until I almost died.

(dog barking)

Oh, hang on.

What do you want?

Use your words, what do you want?

You want to walk?

(dog barks)

Uh no, no.

No no nos,

No no nos.

Sorry uh you were on vacation.

Yeah I was on vacation but I,

I almost died.

Nooooo.

I caught this wave,

I was focused on my balance,

I see this, this dark spot in the water--

[Jeff 1000] A dark spot.

And it was a shark.

(dog barking)

No, no snacks.

I know it's your watching,

Summer's telling Daddy a very interesting story.

Sorry, she gets in these moods

and I have to put, like put it down.

Hey yeah I get it.

So what happened?

Well, I'll tell you--

(dog barking)

Are you being a princess?

That's one, you do not want Daddy to get to three,

that's two,

okay it's still two.

You know, I'll tell you later.

Oh, no no no no no,

stop finish, finish.

I'm going.

[Jeff 1000] No, I'm listening.

(dog barking)

Two and a half...

That's three, three, three!

(dog whimpering)

Oh, I can't be mean to you.

I wuv you too much.

You want a bath?

A bath with Daddy?

We could play fluffy mummy.

You want to play dress up, you want to dress up,

can I wear you as a hat?

Let me wear you as a hat.