(train horn honks)

It's that time of year again.

The time when my favorite shows are preempted by

(groans) holiday themed programming.

Oh, I tell you, the only thing worse than

the old chestnuts are the new chestnuts.

Why, to the North Pole, of course.

The Santa Clause?

Oh you mean the guy that fell off my roof.

That's a technical foul.

Oh, I'd like to roast them all on an open fire.

Where are the true Christmas time classics?

Where are they Shane Black movies?

You know, Shane Black.

The genius that scripted violent classics, Lethal Weapon.

Yeah, you want to see crazy, I'll show you. (yells)

[Nerd] The Last Boy Scout.

What is this?

And the Long Kiss Good-night.

(screaming)

And then went on to direct the violent classics,

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Iron Man 3.

Now, Black set all of these films during the holidays,

but not because he's trying to impart

a holly-jolly vibe to all the bloodshed.

His holiday message is Bah Mother(bleep) Humbug.

Ho Mother(bleep) Ho.

And you can shove that (bleep) dreidel

right up your (bleep) until it comes out of your mouth.

(bleeping) (cheerful music)

It's time to acknowledge the true savior of this season,

the guy who makes so many family gatherings

slightly more bearable when grandma turns on the TV

and cranks up the volume.

So I'm gonna go ahead and start my own holiday,

Shaneblackmas.

Shaneblackmas will be a day when we can watch

all of the maestro's films and celebrate

all of the timeless life lessons found therein.

Okay, okay, it's true that the single greatest

Christmas movie of all time, Die Hard, duh.

Yippie-Ki-Yay mother(bleep)

Wasn't written or directed by Black,

but Joel Silver totally stole the idea of setting it

at Christmas time from Black's Lethal Weapon script.

I'd say that's proof of his divinity.

Blessed are thee, Shane Black,

lord and savior of Hollywood.

Deliver us from boredom and protect us from Michael Bay.

So if you start to fell like someone is pointing

a shotgun at your head and forcing you to sing

twinkly holiday music, just like in the Long Kiss Goodnight,

(singing nervously)

Then join me in decking the halls with profane banter.

Merry Mother(bleep) Shaneblackmas to all

and to all a good (bleep)ing night.

What holiday movies do you despise?

Let me know in the comments.