Give Me a Standalone Comic-Book Movie or Give Me Death
Released on 07/10/2014
(musical tones)
(train whistle)
(dramatic music)
I am really looking forward
to Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy.
And not because I'm some kind of furry
who's erotically obsessed with space raccoons.
Seriously.
I'm really not.
The mask?
Oh, I just bought the mask for the video, honest.
I'm looking forward to this new comic book adaptation
because it takes place in a distant corner of the galaxy.
Marvel Studioses' president of production
called it more of a standalone film
than the other entries in the Marvel cinematic universe.
Oh, standalone, that word is music to my ears.
You see, comic book movies have
become far too interwoven and enmeshed.
The Avengers hands the story baton to Iron man 3,
which hands the baton to Thor: The Dark World,
which hands the baton to Captain America Winter Soldier.
Now, in a way, that's crafty.
Each movie functions as a commercial for the next one.
And you have to buy tickets for all of them
if you want to follow the overarching story.
But it also means that every Marvel movie
essentially serves as a prequel for the next entry,
and that is very bad, because prequels
are an inherently sketchy enterprise.
I mean, when I watch Oz the Great and Powerful
or Promethius, or
Phantom Menace,
I just sit there wishing that I was watching
Wizard of Oz, or Alien, or the original Star Wars.
You know, better movies.
And this prequelization plague
has infected other comic book franchises too.
Just look at The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
The central storyline got completely overshadowed.
Sorry, Jamie Foxx, you deserved better.
The main reason it was so lousy,
and it was, just accept it, is that it spent so much time
laying the groundworks for Amazing Spider-Man 3.
All of these movies should look
to Empire Strikes Back for inspiration.
It was a bridge, yes, it set up
the events of Return of the Jedi,
but it also had merit as a standalone film.
You got Leia's deepening relationship with Han,
you've got Luke training with Yoda
and then ignoring his advice to go save his friends,
you've got Lando's betrayal and partial redemption.
The best way to make me want to see the next movie
in your franchise, isn't with foreshadowing
and post-credits teasers, it's by actually
getting me emotionally invested in the characters
and events of the current installment in your franchise
that I am watching right now.
(musical tones)
Some people say that Guardians of the Galaxy
looks too wacky, that it's nothing more
than a big-budget version of Spaceballs.
Everybody got that?
I say, we should be so lucky.
Let me know the name of your favorite sci-fi
comedy in the comments, and subscribe to the Wired channel.
Starring: Chris Baker
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